back pain / spirit box
back pain
today is monday and i woke up this morning and got all dressed up & ready to leave and go into the office & then just as i was walking out the door, i checked my phone & my boss had texted me saying that there was very loud construction happening at the office, enough to send him home, and i should wfh from too.
so today i'm wfh. but the problem is that normally i only wfh on wednesdays and i consider that my off day where i don't really get much done nor do i try, i just lie on my required-my-management 'production log' and spend most of the day reading fics and goofing off.
so it's a problem when i have to wfh on a different day b/c then my brain is like "oh we're at home we're not doing anything productive here." and then i go smoke weed in the bathroom and i get too high and i get on the phone with my boss and start making silly mistakes. oops. oh well. i honestly don't think he'll notice.
but anyway, so there i was, 8 AM, dressed & shoed & breakfasted & one foot out the door to go commute, just suddenly finding that i have 30 extra minutes before i have to clock in, so i go for a walk, a slow one, just a couple blocks to the lake & then a little bit down the park path, 20 minutes round trip. and my back is killing so much by the end that it was all i could do just to collapse on the floor b/c lying on my back on the floor is the only thing that takes pressure off my sacroiliacs.
like do i need a cane at this point?
and of course i think if people need mobility aids, they should use them, i've just never put myself in that category before.
spirit box
everything i want to say is so hard to say, there's so much of it, but my brain is like a spirit box, it keeps changing the channel every second and i just get fragments of sentences, of ideas, so when i try to verbalize it sounds all fucking garbled because i can't keep an idea in my head long enough to convert it to spoken language. and when i think of idea A, it's like a firework with hundreds of sparks all around, and each spark is itself its own idea, more or less tangential to idea B, and i hope from idea A to idea B and it sets off a new firework with 300 more sparks, and i jump to a new spark etc, and after a minute it's just as confusing and loud and bright and blinding as you'd imagine it to be.